What is reality? There is probably no way to define it, since the concept is just that and is different for each of us. Despite this, or perhaps because of it, we usually refer to reality as that which we can all agree on in the present. That tree is there, and it’s brown with green leaves, for example. That’s what we all consider our shared reality.
A person suffers from what we call delirium when they begin to lose their connection with our shared, present reality. This may be for a moment or a few hours or days, but it rarely ceases in old age – it simply progresses. That word, progress, is a term I never knew could mean anything negative, until a doctor told me that my grandfather’s emphysema would continue to “progress,” meaning that it would eventually kill him. I found this use of the word to be shocking, deceptive and somewhat cruel. People are so afraid to simply say what they mean, that they put spin on the one thing we can all be certain of in life – that we are all going to die. I digress.
I began to notice Pops slipping out of reality during times of stress – when he was having trouble breathing, couldn’t sleep or had to be moved more than a few feet. He would call out for people who weren’t there, ask questions regarding events in the past or just say things that didn’t make sense to anyone around. This happens now with much more frequency and for the past few days I have been unable to have any useful discussions with him. The most I can get from him is a simple, one word answer to straight forward questions. Any other response may or may not be logical or based on the question asked and must be taken with a grain of salt.
I wonder, as I look into his eyes what he is thinking that he cannot express. Does he perceive our reality, or his own? Should we really be trying so hard to bring him into our present, or would he be more comfortable in his own state of mind? Has he created this other reality for comfort, consciously or is it out of his control? Some would argue that nothing is out of our control, that if it were so then who would be controlling it? Therefore, even delusions are our own creations – our way of protecting ourselves from the sad state of affairs that time and inevitability have put us in. If he is trying to die, why should we stop him?
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