Today’s popular culture trumpets the idea that there is at least one person out there who is our ideal match. That person is the one special individual who will understand all of your quirks and see through your shielded self to the truly beautiful person that you truly are. They will “complete” us. All you have to do is find that person and don’t worry, you will eventually, probably.
The soulmate concept depends upon the belief in a soul, or an everlasting presence that yours can bond with for all eternity. Without this, you are simply with someone who is a “good match,” but maybe not your one perfect mate. The concept of a soul pre-dates Christianity and was discussed by Plato in his Symposium. He theorized that humans were originally beings with four arms and four legs, but Zeus feared them too powerful and split them in half, condemning humans to spend their lives searching for the other half to complete them. Really this was less romantic than it seems; the gods just wanted humans to be less powerful, more obedient and to have more of us running around to worship them.
The story of Eve being created from Adam can also be used to explain today’s belief in a soul. There is a sort of mystical idea that if part of you is removed and given to someone else that somehow you are mysteriously connected. There is also the general impression that Adam and Eve were “of one another,” and therefore you have found your true love once you find the person which you believe fills a void emotionally.
These myths are much less important than what we feel in our day to day lives. If we are separated from a loved one, we miss them. We wish to be close to them. This creates the illusion of needing that person, which gives us the feeling that we are incomplete without them. From early childhood this notion is instilled in us by our parents. They place us in the double bind of being told that we must love them, but only if we do so voluntarily. The child is made to think that they require the parent, which is in some ways very true but in other ways completely artificial. We humans love to feel the pride of ownership, and there can be no greater feeling of ownership than if the owned object agrees that it is your possession.
There is also the reassurance from the soulmate concept that if we have found our perfect match, the chances of them hurting or leaving us are far reduced. After all, they must also realize how the two of your were destined to be together; for only a disturbed person could believe they have found their soulmate when their lover disagrees.
The myth of soulmates is just that – a fiction created by humans to give us something to aim for that isn’t attainable. It’s no different than telling a person to “be all that you can be,” or to “reach for the stars.” You are already everything you can be and you can touch a star just by thinking of it. Your soulmate is every person you meet and yourself when you are alone. All you have to do is let go of the concepts and live freely in the now. Imagine how much effort you expend trying to categorize everything in your life – and then stop trying to categorize anything and truly love that which surrounds you.
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